


if we could just pretend

by nikiforovs (xronan)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, SPOILERS TILL CHAP 392, Unrequited Love, also i wrote this instead of term papers and i don't regret it at all, because this is inspired by nero's art over on twitter so like it's angsty, did i project onto akaashi? yes. yes i did, do i regret it? it's 2 am and i'm in pain so kinda?, hate on me if ya want, members of Fukurodani/MSBY Black Jackals/Schweiden Adlers mentioned, or so he thinks, please don't hate on any of the characters, there's no happy ending so be warned, they're all messes and i'm trying to make it even more messy, whatever happy ending i planned is in the sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24219499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xronan/pseuds/nikiforovs
Summary: After all, they are no longer the protagonists of the world.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Original Male Character(s), Bokuto Koutarou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 42





	if we could just pretend

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this after seeing [nero's art over on twitter](https://twitter.com/neroinkboi/status/1257015352036229120). i'm a sucker for angst and this destroyed me. the title's from "if we could just pretend" by flatsound. i had a playlist of sad songs that capture the overall vibe of this fic on while writing this and i think i cried too much. 
> 
> i followed the canon progression adlers - jackals match till set one, but took many, many, liberties after post that. for example, i reduced the number of sets to three because it’s very tiring to write sports and i'm a very lazy person. also, the volleyball vocabulary is very inconsistent and overall, it’s a messy little thing and not beta-ed. i’ve tried my best to proofread it, but i am not a native english speaker so there will be mistakes. if you find any, please do let me know. 
> 
> if you liked reading this, come say hi over @sanemiiis on tumblr or @bokutooos on twitter. 
> 
> p.s. i’m shit at dialogue, so i apologize in advance if you find it jarring. 
> 
> p.p.s. i’ve named many of the OCs after some of my favourite characters & real life volleyball players. if you want to see who all + my very shoddy timeline for this fic, check out the end notes.

When Fukurodani loses to Ichibayashi in the finals and all Keiji can think is, " _we're no longer the protagonists of the world._ "

When the match is over, Ichibayashi is loud as they cling to each other in celebration. They deserved this win as much as Fukurodani did -- they played a good game and kept the owls on their toes for the entire time. But every time they were close to winning it a bit too soon, Bokuto came through and made sure that Fukurodani held on a bit longer. And for Keiji that meant giving it his all and setting each ball at his 120% just so Bokuto could spike and spike and spike until he was the last one standing. He’s the ace that Fukurodani deserves and much more, and they were so, so close to winning and Keiji had wanted it so, so badly. Keiji had wanted this win so that he could take it and press it onto Bokuto’s palm and tell him that he’s _his_ spiker; that Keiji is the one who helped him to victory. But they didn't win, and they are no longer the protagonists of the world.

In another timeline, it’s Keiji who sets the final ball to Bokuto and he makes it, but in this timeline, it’s Konoha and Ichibayashi shuts them down with such an ease that Keiji's heart breaks. Through his tears, he sees Konoha, the ghost of an apology on his tongue, and he’s looking at Bokuto, waiting for him to speak. Keiji’s too scared to face him. After all, Bokuto has worked so hard to stand here and hold victory in his palms, and now that it’s no longer in his grasp, heartbreak is the last thing that Keiji wants to see on his face. However, Bokuto is looking ahead as if he’s looking into the future and that this is just another milestone. When he opens his mouth to speak, the words that come out are words belonging to an ace, and whatever Keiji wants to say dies in his mouth as admiration grows just like it did when he first saw him. Bokuto has always left him speechless. He has always left him wanting more; has always left him chasing his true potential, but here on the orange court, he had wanted to give more and more until the world knew Bokuto’s name and said it with the same reverence that Keiji did. He wanted this win so that he could take it and press it onto Bokuto’s palm and kiss him like he’s seen in all those movies; that this victory was so that one Akaashi Keiji can tell one Bokuto Koutarou that he loves him. But he had failed, and they are no longer the protagonists of the world.

\---------------------

The third years’ graduation isn’t how Keiji pictured it. 

It’s quieter than he thought it’d be and louder than he imagined. The Fukurodani Volleyball Club is a bunch of people drowning in tears and there are loud sobs of _I'll miss you_ as well as whispered promises of _I’ll stay in touch_ amidst all the commotion. He sees Shirofuku and Suzumeda talking and it’s weird to see Shirofuku looking that serious. He figures that Komi, Konoha, and Sarukui must’ve convinced her to finally confess as he sees the three of them are observing from a little further away. He hopes Suzumeda says yes, but he also knows that she will because from what Keiji has seen ever since joining the club, saying that Kaori has only had eyes for Yukie will be an understatement. Still, Keiji decides to hope for the best and give them their privacy in the sea of people.

The gym is a bit more crowded than usual as it’s not just the volleyball club that’s present. There are people from other clubs who are also members of Bokuto’s fanclub who came to see the third years retire. Keiji’s eyes scan the crowd for Bokuto and he sees him being surrounded by members of the fanclub and Bokuto is positively beaming as they shower him with love. He catches Keiji looking and smiles at him wide and toothy and Keiji’s heart gets caught on it. He feels a tug when Bokuto waves at him and he finds himself walking over and with each step, he remembers that everything is coming to an end. The fanclub moves apart to make way for Keiji. He notices that third years are watching, and he realises that everyone’s waiting for him to finally tell Bokuto; that everyone knows except for the one who should. When Bokuto pulls Keiji into a hug, his heart swells and presses against his ribcage and it hurts just enough that tears threaten to spill out and stain the front of Bokuto’s blazer. 

Bokuto smells like home for Keiji and he doesn’t know why because Bokuto doesn’t smell like the house he grew up in. However, when Bokuto pulled him into a hug for the first time after they won against Kawahori and his scent enveloped Keiji, he thought, _“huh, I wouldn't mind coming home to this”_ . Keiji thinks about all the time they stayed back for extra practice and how that's never going to happen again, so he burrows his face into Bokuto's chest for a little longer. There’s a confession on the tip of Keiji's tongue, waiting to spill out, and he wants to whisper the words into his chest. He wants to say, “ _you’ve always been a star in my eyes. meeting you was like a blast of ice water to the face. iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou. I think I loved you from the moment I saw you, Koutarou._ ”, but Keiji is no longer worthy so it comes out as, “ _please take care of yourself from now on, Bokuto-san. I will not be there to babysit you._ ” 

Bokuto whines at that and says something along the lines of, “ _How could you say that, Aghaaasssh??? And how Keiji is his favourite kouhai and how he’s going to miss him and how he has to absolutely keep in touch even if he isn’t babysitting him."_ His hold around Keiji tightens for a second and he isn’t complaining. Keiji doesn’t know how long he clings to Bokuto like that. He does know that it ends too soon. When Bokuto pulls away from him, there is a smile on his lips that’s as soft as his hair and as sad as the ache in Keiji’s heart and Keiji wants to erase it. This is why he wanted to win at nationals. He wanted to take the win and press it into Bokuto’s palm so that he’ll smile so wide at Keiji that the inevitable separation will hurt less. He wants to ask him to stay, to not forget Keiji, but the time has passed. He can’t say anything and there’s no magical moment where he’s given a second chance like in the movies. 

After all, they are no longer the protagonists of the world.

  
  


\---------------------

Like all first loves, Keiji’s also builds a nest in his heart and refuses to go away even when Bokuto gets into Chuo on a volleyball scholarship and leaves Keiji behind. Chuo is looking to win the Intercollegiate this time around and they’re collecting the best players to strengthen their roster, so Keiji isn’t surprised when Bokuto receives an offer from them. After all, Bokuto at nationals was a star who eclipsed everyone else and Chuo needs someone like him on their team. Bokuto chooses to make English Literature his major and says that it’s because “ _Y_ _ou made me read all those books, Akaassh_ ”, and Keiji blames his blush on the weather even though it’s only spring. 

  
  


However, Bokuto’s first year at Chuo is rough. 

Being at Chuo means demanding classes and even more demanding practice hours. He’s one of the best players in their roster, but there are better and more experienced players ahead of him and he’s on the bench. Bokuto has to work hard to earn his spot despite Chuo adding him for the fire power; despite practicing so hard. Keiji realizes that there’s only so much glory high school fame can get you, (unless you’re Kageyama and Ushijima because then fame and glory came begging to you), so he supports Bokuto in whatever way he can. They struggle to make their schedules align so that they can hang out and Bokuto tries his best to make time for him, but Keiji is okay with crumps as long as it means that Bokuto is making his mark on the world. Truth be told, Keiji doesn’t have much time either. He’s in his final year of high school and he’s the captain of a top team in Tokyo. His family doesn’t care about volleyball and there’s an undue pressure on him to follow his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps to Tōdai. 

Bokuto tries to sneak in a call everyday despite practice wringing him dry. He sounds tired whenever they talk, but Keiji’s heart skips so many concerning beats at the way Bokuto’s sleepy drawl curls around his name. They settle into this routine and Keiji accepts that phone calls are all he’ll have of Bokuto. He wonders how it would have been if Bokuto and he were more than best friends, but Keiji extinguishes that thought before it consumes him. 

But like always, Bokuto surprises Keiji by showing up at his violin practice on a Sunday. Keiji can’t believe his eyes and he's convinced that this is all a dream; that he’s still sleeping and has missed violin practice. But Bokuto, real and not-a-dream Bokuto, smiles at him and pulls Keiji into a hug. Keiji almost starts bawling, but gets a hold on himself at the last minute. They walk to the cafe that was their usual spot and Bokuto tells him that it's his treat. He also tells Keiji that he’s trying to make sure that he gets to spend at least one day with him. Keiji wants to ask him, " _Why me? Why not Konoha or Komi? Why not Sarukui or Washio?_ " Keiji wants to believe that he’s special. He wants to believe that this is Bokuto telling him that they’re something more, but he doesn’t dare to hope, so he doesn’t ask. 

Sundays become theirs. Sundays are when Bokuto comes to Keiji’s violin practice to pick him up so that they can go grab coffee. Sundays are when Bokuto is the exemplary senior and he talks Keiji’s ear off with tales about college and his new team. Keiji hangs onto every word that gives him a glimpse of Bokuto’s life outside of Fukurodani. He does get jealous when Bokuto talks about his new setter. But Bokuto tells him that, “ _Your sets are still the best, Akaash. I miss them."_ , before looking at him and smiling that sad smile he wore during graduation. They always part ways with a hug, and like always Keiji’s heart hurts when lost chances rip at old wounds.

\---------------------

Fukurodani is a team made up of him, Onaga, Anahori, and a bunch of freshmen who all admire Bokuto and look up to him. Keiji smiles to himself when he tries to imagine Bokuto’s reaction to his new fanclub. Keiji tries his best to remind them that they have to maintain their spot as the number two in Tokyo. The first years are good despite their clumsiness and they’re more than happy to comply. Serizawa’s cross spikes are wonderful and he asks Keiji for tips on how to improve them after every practice match. Yoshimura is trying to follow Miya Atsumu’s steps and be a dual wielder. Keiji asks him to perfect his jump floater to such an extent that not even Miya Atsumu can pick them up. Ishikawa is a good libero and when he’s playing he exudes a calm that’s eerily similar to Karasuno’s Nishinoya. Nishida’s blocking requires a bit more work, but Onaga does a good job in mentoring him. Takahashi has immense power behind his serves, but struggles with his aim. Keiji and Anahori work with him everyday to help him with it. 

No one asks Keiji to stay behind for extra practice. They don't ask him for much. Sometimes, Keiji makes a toss and yells out "Bokuto-san", and it hurts.

\---------------------

Chuo loses to Waseda that December and places second in the Intercollegiate level. In the match, Bokuto scored five service aces and got enough spikes in that the coaches regretted not putting him in earlier. Keiji waits outside for Bokuto the moment the match is over and pulls him into a hug. He tells him he did good when Bokuto's sobs rack his body.

That January, Fukurodani makes it to the semi-finals of the Spring High. They go up against Inarizaki and lose to the Miya twins who are back to win it all this time. Fukurodani plays well and does better than everyone thought they would after the third-years left the club. But, Inarizaki is still better than them. They place third after defeating Ichibayashi three to one. It tastes like sweet revenge and Keiji smiles so much. The first years look slightly concerned for him while Anahori and Onaga look at him with understanding.

When they step outside, Bokuto is waiting for them alongside the other third years. Keiji thinks he’s dreaming again, but he still wants to run to him and kiss him, and tell him everything he had always wanted to say. Bokuto pulls him to a hug and Keiji thinks, “ _this is home_.” It doesn't last long because the first years see Bokuto and lose their composure. Keiji keeps on forgetting that when other people see Bokuto they see a Top Five Ace. So Keiji’s captain mode kicks in and he introduces them to the former members of the Fukurodani Volleyball Club. The first years look at them in awe when the third years ask everyone to join them for _yakiniku_ to celebrate Keiji's final day as captain. The first years sneak glances at Bokuto like he’s something intimidating and Keiji can't help but laugh at that. He thinks that Serisawa might have had a mini-heart attack when Bokuto shook his hand and told him that his cross spikes were wonderful. Yoshimura looks like Christmas came early when Bokuto compliments his serve. Ishikawa is more interested in Komi and they spend the rest of the night trading tricks. He sees Onaga and Washio talk to Nishida about his blocking and Takahashi seems much more happy to be talking to Konoha and Sarukui. Keiji laughs so much that night that the bittersweet loss stops hurting. 

\---------------------

Keiji gets into the literature program at Tōdai and he feels a huge chunk of pressure get off his shoulder. He doesn’t think his family will even let him consider making a career out of volleyball so he joins the Literary Club instead. He wishes he could’ve gone to Chuo and become Bokuto’s setter. He wishes for a lot of things and he knows that none of them are going to come true. 

\---------------------

  
  
  


In Keiji’s first year at Tōdai, Chuo wins the Intercollegiate. Bokuto is their ace and the top scorer of the tournament and Waseda never stood a chance. They go to an _isakaya_ to celebrate and they let them in despite them not being of age because Bokuto’s smile is too blinding to say no to. Keiji wants to kiss him and eat up that smile. They don’t drink, but they eat enough until Keiji is too tired to think about kissing Bokuto. 

In Keiji’s second year at Tōdai, Bokuto is Chuo’s captain and they defend their title as champions. This time, however, Bokuto’s team takes him out to celebrate and Keiji congratulates him before taking his leave. He later gets a shit tonne of texts and voice notes from Bokuto that are drunken nonsense and garbled words. Keiji chastises himself for imagining the “ _l_ _ove you_ ” and “ _keiji_ ” and “ _please_ ”. Keiji is too tired of nursing a first love that’ll never come true so he decides to let it go and goes to bed .

In Keiji’s third year at Tōdai, the MSBY Black Jackals come for Bokuto the moment he graduates. Keiji isn’t surprised. After all, Bokuto’s made a name for himself ever since he started playing for Chuo. He’s on his way to become the star that he always was. Bokuto calls Keiji to tell him the news. They talk about meeting up to grab a cup of coffee and to talk about everything. They can’t decide on a time. The call lasts five minutes.

\---------------------

It's in Keiji’s third year that he realises that his unrequited love won’t go away unless he does something about it. He's been pining for his former teammate for the past six years. Bokuto and Keiji don’t have much free time for each other anymore. But it still hurts when Bokuto doesn't come to pick him up from violin practice to make good on a promise they made in high school. It’s always the same reason -- the practice was too much and he is too tired -- and knowing Bokuto, it’s not a lie either. The Black Jackals meant even more training and an even tighter schedule than Chuo’s. Bokuto being Bokuto,might have tried to sneak in extra practice that resulted in his weekend burnouts. Keiji thinks about going over to his place and making sure he’s okay, but something about the gesture screams ‘ _I love you and I want more_ ’ so he doesn't. Keiji also starts thinking that it’s good that they don’t spend that much time together anymore. He starts thinking that he finally has the chance to move on without it hurting too much.

  
  


It’s also in Keiji’s third year that he discovers the wonderful world of friends with benefits. It started with Kishimoto, a final year student who was in Keiji’s Intro to Philosophy class. They got assigned to work together for a project. Keiji is glad because Kishimoto is definitely smart and a much better pick than every other student in class. Keiji isn't glad because he cannot get any work done in Kishimoto's presence. Keiji never lived under the delusion that because he had a crush on Bokuto, he had to ignore every good looking man who caught his eye. Granted he’s never slept with any of them, but kishimoto is too good looking and he’s got muscles that make themselves known despite what he’s wearing. Keiji’s eyes linger on them longer than necessary, and when Kishimoto catches him ogling he smirks before going back to working. They have sex the day they get done with their work. Kishimoto fucks him against the wall of Keiji’s dorm room and later lets Keiji ride him to his heart’s content. It’s quick, rough, and dirty and Keiji always assumed that he’d be the last person to like it. But he finds himself craving it more as he begins to think about Bokuto less.

Kishimoto is fun company and the sex is great. Keiji chases the things he likes and uses them to bury his feelings for Bokuto everyday. When Kishimoto graduates, he takes Keiji out for drinks at a bar in Ni-chōme. He introduces Keiji to a couple of his friends who seem smitten by Keiji from the moment they laid their eyes on him. One of them, Nakahara, who is Kishimoto’s self professed best friend, is unable to take his eyes off Keiji. Keiji had traded his usual outfit for something much suited for the night and much suited for Keiji’s body. Keiji doesn’t mind the attention as Nakahara is a very attractive man so when he flirts with him, Keiji flirts back. They’re not dating so Kishimoto doesn’t mind it when Keiji decides to suck Nakahara off in the bathroom. Instead, he asks Keiji to have fun and to be careful and to not ruin his pants.

Keiji has never done the-sex-in-a-bathroom before, but it’s fun. He likes it when he makes Nakahara a whimpering mess with his tongue. He likes it when Nakahara grips his hair tight when he comes down his throat. He moans out loud when he follows him shortly, not caring about who might hear him. 

When they get out of the cubicle, Keiji registers a few things: 

1) There are stray drops of come on his shirt and he looks fucked out of his mind. 

2) Bokuto Koutarou is as beautiful as ever and he’s in the bathroom of a club in Ni-chōme. 

3) Sakusa Kiyoomi is in the bathroom of a club in Ni-chōme. and it’s not the germs that seem to be his number one concern. 

4) Sakusa Kiyoomi has a protective hold on Bokuto Koutarou’s waist as if the weight of his hand will calm Bokuto down. 

5) Bokuto Koutarou when he’s heartbroken is a painful sight and Keiji never ever wanted to be the reason for it. 

  
  


Keiji’s mind is still hazy from his orgasm, but he knows what a blooming relationship looks like if he ever saw one. Sakusa's hold on Bokuto's waist is a blaring sign. There's an accusation in his eyes; a ' _you did this to him_ ' and Keiji fights the urge to throw up. His mind works itself into overdrive trying to figure out how and when it started. He knows that Sakusa is Chuo's current captain. He knows that he and Bokuto were on the same team. He knows that MSBY is planning to get Sakusa to play for them. How Sakusa was every bit the ace that Bokuto was aiming to catch up with. He knows how Bokuto, his Bokuto, and Sakusa moved together on the court. Keiji wasn’t stupid enough to miss it, but he was stupid enough to deny it and to let others help him in his denial.

But everything is right there in front of him and Keiji can't exactly depend on denial anymore. Keiji wonders if he ever had a chance with Bokuto. He doesn't want to know. But he does want Bokuto to lash out at him so that it can be the proverbial final nail in the coffin. Keiji wants him to call him names and to tell him to fuck off, but Bokuto doesn’t try to start a fight or to hurt him. Instead he asks Keiji whether he’s finally had enough of him.There’s so much hurt in it that Keiji doesn’t know what to say. He’s scared that if he opens his mouth, all his secrets and all his pining will come out. Keiji cannot constantly ache for a boy who belongs to someone else now. So he grabs Nakahara’s hand and runs back to their booth without saying a word. 

Kishimoto looks concerned as he takes in his appearance. He's about to tell Nakahara off when Keiji stammers out a 'Bokuto'. Nakahara nods when Kishimoto fixes him with a look. Kishimoto asks Keiji whether he wants to leave, and when Keiji nods 'yes', he hails a cab for him. He says a quick goodbye to everyone and apologizes to Kishimoto for ruining his night, but he ruffles Keiji's hair and asks him to text him when he reaches. Throughout the cab ride, Keiji plays the meeting over and over in his head. He plays it so many times and pauses at the betrayal on Bokuto’s face so much that the pieces finally fall into place. He did have a chance with his former captain. He did, but not anymore. 

\---------------------

They don’t talk much after that, but Bokuto still tries to shoot him a text whenever he gets time. It’s all mundane stuff and Keiji fights the urge to reply right away. It feels mechanical, like Bokuto is keeping it up because of their promise and Keiji’s replying out of guilt. So Keiji thinks it’s okay if he leaves Bokuto’s messages on read and never replies. Bokuto's texts go down in number shortly after and Keiji tells himself that it’s okay as long it’s what they both want.

\---------------------

_The MSBY Black Jackals are leading by five points and Bokuto is right there in the centre of everything. He’s one of the best players in their roster and all that rumoured extra practice is finally make their mark. Bokuto makes an insane cut shot, and the crowd cheers as if he’s the only one playing. He looks at the setter expectantly, before shaking his head as if it was just a force of habit before getting back in the game._

\---------------------

Sakusa Kiyoomi gets signed to MSBY Black Jackals and when Keiji hears the news, he lets Kishimoto try out the latest kink he’s gotten into despite running late for work.

\---------------------

He gets the job, but it’s not at the literature magazine like he wanted. Shounen manga is something Keiji has come to appreciate in recent years. He picked them up because Bokuto would pester him to read them while he was at Fukurodani. Keiji’s been talking to the other third years again so he feels a little at ease. He probably won’t be playing volleyball again, but he misses Fukurodani and he misses tossing to Bokuto.

\---------------------

Here’s what protagonists are: the ones who win every match till they wear the crown. The ones who everyone cheers for. The ones who kiss the love of their life and tell them they love them under a sky full of stars and never hurt them. The ones who Bokuto Koutarou can grow to be and the one’s Akaashi Keiji will never be. 

\---------------------

It’s Udai who asks him whether he wants to go to the match. He’s excited when he asks Keiji whether it’s possible for them to go to Sendai despite the looming deadline. For everyone else, the Adlers - Jackals match is a spectacle, but for anyone who knows of Karasuno’s rise to the top, it’s a showdown between the former freak duo. For Udai, it’s his desire to see Hinata achieve the things that he himself once wanted. It’s not a lie when he says he never thought going to Sendai to see the match was an option. It is a lie when he tells himself it’s to see Hinata. 

\---------------------

Keiji hasn’t seen any of Bokuto’s matches ever since Sakusa got signed. He regrets it more than anything, 

\---------------------

They’re a bit late to the match, but Keiji wants to leave already. He spots a couple of Karasuno members in the stands and he wants to go say hi to distract himself. They look excited and Keiji realises that everyone here is taking in the spectacle unfolding before them. The Adlers-Jackals rivalry might be well known, but everyone’s here to see the freak duo go head to head. Every ball screams, " _Look at me! I'm finally here_ " and " _I know! I’ve been waiting for you_ ", and the rest of the team moves as if they’re supporting characters in an epic love story. 

Keiji grabs some food from Miya’s onigiri and goes to sit by Udai, right as Bokuto’s turn to serve comes. Bokuto is as radiant as ever and seeing him hurts, but Keiji is also so, so glad that he showed up. The energy Bokuto exudes and the way the crowd cheers for him makes Keiji smile because he's missed this. He misses watching Bokuto play and he misses playing with him. He misses volleyball when he sees Bokuto’s serve getting picked up by Hoshiumi with relative ease and the way Ushijima slams it back into the Jackals side of the court. 

Hirugami’s serve rivals his brother’s and Keiji wonders how it must’ve felt like to go up against him in high school. But Hinata still manages to pick it up and send it over to Miya. It isn’t a clean receive and the ball is short, but it doesn't seem to bother Miya. His set is clean and holds a certain grace, which is unbecoming of his persona. If there’s something in Miya Atsumu that Keiji envies, it’s how he makes every ball one that’s worth hitting. Sakusa spikes it over and Keiji can’t help but admire the way it befuddles kageyama in the process. 

He sees Miya eyeing Sakusa with an unreadable look. He knows that Itachiyama's rivalry with Inarizaki eclipses their rivalry with everyone else. But the way Miya looks at Sakusa isn't that of a rival. Keiji wonders what's going on between them and how Sakusa manages to win everyone over. Sure, Sakusa Kiyoomi is even more powerful than Keiji remembers him being. Those wrists of his has only gotten nastier over the years. Sakusa's much more beautiful now that he's settled into his features and jealousy flares up within Keiji. Hinata's jump serve distracts him from his thoughts and Keiji can't help but be proud even though it's out. He’s grown so much and Keiji wishes that he was here to see Hinata, and not to catch a glimpse of Bokuto. It makes him feel pathetic and he wants to leave, but he also wants to see how this turns out.

When Keiji focuses back in, it’s Hoshiumi’s turn to serve. Like every single serve in the match so far, it packs power and precision. It would’ve been a service ace had Bokuto not swooped in. Keiji’s heart soars when he sees it, but it also shatters when he sees how effortlessly Sakusa hits the ball that ricocheted off Bokuto’s arms. It would’ve been a block out, but Heiwajima, the Adlers libero, saves it at the last minute. Nicholas Romero slams it back into the Jackals court and some vicious part inside Keiji is happy. Hoshiumi’s second serve is a let serve, and Keiji thinks it's a clever move. Despite the Jackals' effort to not let the Adlers score, Romero still manages to slam it back onto their side. Hoshiumi’s third serve is vicious, but Adriah Thomas picks it up and Miya sets it to Bokuto. It’s a beautiful set and even more beautiful spike, but Heiwajima picks it up for the Adlers once again. Romero looks like he's aiming to score again, but Hinata picks it up and Miya and Thomas make sure it’s a point for them. 

After seeing that series of plays, Keiji wishes he could play again. It's not an unachievable dream, he can play again, but he won't be Bokuto's setter again. Keiji's pulled out of his thoughts when Sakusa gets the first service of the day for the Jackals. He digs his nails into his palms when Sakusa's second serve makes Ushijima stumble. It's powerful and he doesn't know how Ushijima sends it to Hoshiumi, but he does. Hinata picks it up and Bokuto smashes it onto the Adlers side of the court. Keiji almost leaps up from his seat as the crowd cheers for Bokuto. Sakusa's third serve gets caught on the tape and that petty thing inside Keiji smiles again.

The rest of the set is a lot of movement and a lot of information to take in. The Jackals are utilising Hinata as best as they can and they're leading 23 -19, and the first set will be theirs. Before Keiji can fully register what's going on, the crowd comes alive when Bokuto bumps Romero's spike with his chest. Keiji can't help but smile at that because that is such a Bokuto thing to do. To get the ball up in the air, no matter what. It's also Bokuto who makes the set point off Hinata's toss, and Keiji wishes he could run up to the court and hug him. 

Adlers make their comeback in the second set. The atmosphere is electric as Kageyama taps into all that power that made him such a feared freshman. The former freak-duo seem to communicate with each other through their moves, and it's like an intricate dance. It reminds Keiji of how attuned he was to Bokuto’s emotions while they were playing. He wishes he could make things alright and he wants to believe that he can. This is the closest he’s been to Bokuto in a year, and Keiji isn’t willing to waste it. He’ll take this chance so that he can get back the one person who made everything better.

\---------------------

Udai might have been the one to put the idea of going to the match into his head, but it’s Kishimoto who convinces him. He’d asked Keiji to come over to hang out and Keiji had told him all about Udai’s plans. They haven’t had sex ever since Nakahara and Kishimoto started going out, but Kishimoto is a good listener and a very practical man. So he lets Keiji empty his heart out to him and state his various misgivings, and once he’s sure Keiji is done talking, he helps him sort through his emotions. Keiji had told him all about Bokuto after they started sleeping together and Kishimoto had sympathised with Keiji. It’s why he sat Keiji down after his rant and asked him to go for the match and to talk to Bokuto once it’s done. He tells Keiji that all he wants is for him to be happy and Keiji almost starts crying. But after Kishimoto’s support, Nakahara’s lecture, and Udai’s excitement, Keiji clears his schedule for November fourteenth.

\---------------------

The third set is where Miya makes a comeback to bring their lead to two points. But it’s not Miya who has everyone on the edge of their seats. Bokuto’s spikes are perfect even when they’re out and it sends a chill down Keiji’s spine. Udai is impressed by them and Keiji feels a sense of satisfaction at that. When Bokuto comes through with his cross shot, Keiji has to restrain himself from running down there and kissing him. The crowd erupts in cheers for Bokuto and Keiji tells himself that this is why he removed himself from Bokuto’s life. The Jackals are leading by four points now and Keiji takes his phone out to check for reservations. He knows that they’re going to win and when they do, Keiji will ask Bokuto out for dinner. He’ll apologise and tell Bokuto everything that Keiji’s been meaning to tell him. Everything he wishes he’d told him. He hopes Bokuto says yes.

\---------------------

The Jackals maintain their lead and it’s Sakusa who gets them match point with another nasty serve. It doesn’t bother Keiji that much. He’s going to talk to Bokuto today. Keiji decides to call him once the commotion dies down and he asks Udai to go back to their hotel without him. He walks around to psyche himself up, but he knows that he’s making reasons to delay it like a coward. When he finally gathers up the courage to press call, he hears the tell-tale tone of voicemail. 

“Ah, Hello, it’s me, Akaashi. I saw your match today, you were amazing as ever and I wanted to treat you to a special dinner tonight. So let me know if you’re free, Bokuto-san.”

\---------------------

Bokuto doesn’t call back.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Fukurodani Freshmen: Serizawa (OH) - Serizawa Katsuya from Mob Psycho 100  
> Ishikawa (Li) - Ishikawa Yuki aka best boi  
> Nishida (MB) - Nishida Yuji  
> Yoshimura (OH) - Shiho Yoshimura  
> Takahashi (OH) - Kentaro Takahashi 
> 
> Tōdai folks:
> 
> Kishimoto - Kishimoto Kenji (ngl,i haven’t read shatter me, but this name has always stuck with me)  
> Nakahara - please take a guess 🎩
> 
> rough HQ!! Timeline for this fic:
> 
> 2012 june - Interhigh  
> 2013 january - spring high  
> 2013 march - third years graduation  
> 2013 april - third years join college - bokuto gets into chuo (?); bench  
> 2013 december - chuo loses to waseda in the finals  
> 2014 april - second years join college; bokuto’s second year;  
> 2014 december - chuo’s win after a long time; bokuto’s their ace  
> 2015 april - first years join college; bokuto’s third year;  
> 2015 december - chuo maintains their title; bokuto’s captain  
> 2016 march - third years graduate; bokuto gets the msby offer  
> 2016 april - bokuto joins msby black jackals; akaashi’s internship at shounen manga magazine  
> 2017 april - miya & sakusa joins msby; akaashi gets his job as tenma udai’s editor  
> 2018 april - hinata joins msby  
> 2018 november - adlers v/s jackals
> 
> all japan intercollegiate volleyball championship winners for this fic: 
> 
> 2013 - waseda  
> 2014 - chuo  
> 2015 - chuo  
> 2016 - chuo
> 
> i looked everywhere for the winners of the 2013 season, but i could only find the women's team. but waseda did win the 2017 & 2018 season, so i figured i'd go with them.
> 
> anyhooo, i hope you enjoyed reading this.


End file.
